I Have No Choice Baby
by delenasomerhalic20
Summary: Elena cant live without Damon, she refuses to believe that she will never again see him. Elena cant cope without Damon Salvatore in her life and she will go to the ends of the earth to get her one true love back. This I my first ever attempt at writing fan fiction, so please be kind. It is rated M because of possible future chapters, R and R. Advice is encouraged.
1. Humanity Switch

I'm lying on his bed, our bed. I can barely speak. Its going round and round in my head. Damon Salvatore is dead.  
MY Damon is dead. My humanity keeps threatening to turn off because of my love for him, but it won't turn off also because of my love for him. Its a tug of war. A battle. And I'm not sure which side is winning yet. Damon had become a permanent in my life a long time ago,  
been a permanent through all the deaths that have happened, Jeremy's,  
even his enemy Bonnie's. God why can't he be here even to argue with Bonnie, just to hear him say the words judgy little witch. I hated that they argued but now I would find nothing but content in it.

Damon Salvatore is dead. In death he made me feel more alive, but it never prepared me for his, I never even considered it, I mean we're immortal! I don't feel alive, I feel dead. Which is weird because I'm kinda both. I'm can't live without him, I can't. His words echo around in my head "I have no choice baby" He said he knew that in life he was loved by me. Elena Gilbert. Damon should of been showered with love is entire existence, death shouldn't of been the way he accepted the good in him, the loveable selfless man. Damon Salvatore is dead. I have no tears left, just silence, just a hole where he used to be. Still is. Amaura said the doppleganger's always find a way into each others life, a reason to be together. What she didn't know was that the reason Stefan came into my life was not for us, well maybe in the beginning, but it was always Damon, it will always be Damon. He said when I met him that he wanted me to get everything I wanted in life, I'm not sure if he ever realised it was going to be him. He was everything I wanted hell everything I needed.

A montage of moments keep flashing through my head, from the minute he entered my world. From our first road trip, our first dance at miss mystic, first kiss, our ever growing number of arguments. God our arguments and disagreements, I almost smile. That's passion for you. Damon Salvatore is dead. And I'm left here. Alone. I can't face Bonnie, she's my best friend but she saw him last. My brother Jeremy I love and hate in equal measure. He can see him. My love. My soul mate. I can't deal with that just yet, or ever I'm not sure. Plus I know exactly what Damon will be saying to Jeremy. I can hear him now.  
"Get her up, don't leave her up there. Give her reason's for her humanity. Don't let her flick the switch. The decent burbons in the back of the alcohol cupboard" Tears threaten, seems I haven't ran out of them just yet. I can hear them all talking downstairs,  
Caroline proposing lasagne or casserole. Typical Caroline and her southern hospitality, death equals baked goods. When will she ever learn they really don't help, but I don't think anyone will ever have the heart to tell her, she's so protective and wants to wrap us all up in her. Then there's Bonnie telling them to give me space, she's been there, the death of a loved one. But the thought of Damon been a loved one sounds so minuscule and puny and not even a fraction of what he was to me. I can hear Matt so loving and loyal admitting what everyone should be saying, he just doesn't have a clue what to say or do. That brings me some comfort. Matt is so amazing and what he's just said is one of the reasons he's my best friend. My family.  
Jeremy is trying hard to be the little brother but some how coming out the older over-protective brother, also trying his very hardest not to relay what Damon must surely be saying, knowing I can hear.

Damon would not be Damon without his 2 cents. His sarcasm and witty banter. I feel paralysed I know I need to climb out of bed, shrug off his signature black shirt and shower. I can't touch anything in this room, he left it in his own way, he constantly give me wrong for my lack of tidiness. He was so house proud, that always shocked me about him. I hear the door creak, someone's heart races and a take a big gulp. Obviously preparing their self for my state of mind and appearance. I look up at those familiar baby blues eyes, I find that sense of home I always felt when I looked in Matt's eyes. His face. Matt doesn't pretend. He looks at me with genuine sorrow and love. Matt doesn't speak. He gently stokes my head, and pulls back the covers and climbs beneath them with me and wraps his arm around me, moving me so my head lies on his chest. I still. I lose myself in his pulse and beating heart. My eyes begin to feel heavy, I haven't slept or ate in days. I let out a tired exasperated breath and say, "Matty your the best you know that. Thanks" Before he could answer I was gone. Far into the darkness that was my slumber. I dream. Damon and I are speeding down the road happy, laughing. Listening to one our many songs. Tracy Chapman- Fast car. The lyrics echo around my all of a sudden empty head. "I had a feeling that I belong".


	2. Whiskey Girl

I eventually slowly submerge from my deep sleep.  
Matt is gone, I'm alone. Again. I decide to get up, shower. In another shower of course. I turn to his bedside table, take his daylight ring and slide it on my left hand middle finger, where he wore it. I found that taking up saying him or he was easier than even trying to say his name, even if it is in my head. I slide out of bed,  
leave the room and walk to the nearest shower. I shower quickly and find some sweats, I pull on my black converse and decide to go for a run. Human speed run. Try clear my head. When I open an otto min filled with my books and look for my ipod when I lift out a book and it falls out. My chemistry book mark. A photo we took in an photo booth. We're laughing and our eyes are intensely on each other as we tried not to be clich and kiss in the photo. It was hard. My heart obliterates. I won't cry. I want everybody to see me out of bed,  
moving around maybe do some chores. I could not deal with hearing there pity any longer. You'd think they would go of my hearing distance. I turn and see my tight black dress that comes to my thighs, compliments me in the all the right places. I scramble out of my sweats pull on the dress and think two words, grill and liquor.

I had been at the grill for an hour now and the copious amounts of whisky still hadn't made me forget. So I decided to switch to tequila shots. I had compelled the over friendly newest addition to the staff to free drinks. I used compulsion but he was so sleazy I could of just bat my eye lids and showed off some more cleavage. 10 shots later and my head was fuzzy, I was tipsy. So I cranked up the jukebox and put on All summer long by Lynard Skynard and began to dance. Alone with a bottle of tequila in one had, spinning around I began to forget for a while. Another overly friendly sleaze ball began shimmying towards me, hands on my hips and whispering "I'll dance with you sweetie, no-one should dance alone" I replied with "Well just one dance"

6 dances later I was officially drunk. I had a dozen men at my disposal and all salivating over me. My mind was empty, I was drunk and had a men to feed on and then erase their memories. So in my drunken haze I suggested a house party! I jumped onto the bar took a long swig from my bottle and screamed "House party! Salvatore boarding house! Anyone welcome! Come one come all" Me and my many admirers strolled over to the house, they were all tense with anticipation. Many people wanted to see inside their home. My home. I raided the champagne, spirits and kegs. There was plenty alcohol and plenty people to drink it with. Music blaring the house filled to the brim and I was standing on a table alone stripping! Everyone screaming, egging me on. Once my dress was off I pulled out my best sexy moves and in my element danced. Danced away the pain. I closed my eyes and swayed to Clarity by Zedd. The words to this song, was our love. Tragic clarity. I opened my eyes and I was alone in the room on the table dancing and he was here, dancing with me on the table, with his shirt open in the way I loved, moving his hips in such a sexy way I was almost immediately wet. His arms were around me seconds later smiling at me in his smouldering way! His gray eyes shimmering almost silver into my deep browns. I whisper "Take me baby, I love you, I need you" His face dropped and he cried "I've got no choice baby" Those words again. They rattled around. I opened my mind back to reality and I opened my eyes, and there they were, the party people. The strangers. He was gone. It felt so real.

I look up to see them standing there my friends, my family. Shocked and appalled at my behaviour and I immediately feel like a kid and I've disappointed the parents. Oh no there dead too like all my other loved ones. I instantly feel for them. They are in danger as long as they are around me, they could die at any moment, and I couldn't take it. Not now. Without him. I jump down from the table grab my dress and speed out of there. I know Care will take control of the situation. I speed through the forest and within seconds I'm at that road. That place.

I lie on the road and stare at the stars. I met him here first and I didn't even know it, until I was a vampire. I start talking aloud. "Why did you compel me? Huh? I would have met you first. We maybe could of had longer together, it could of changed everything, the course of life! You could still be here! Damn you Damon! God you are that selfish!" My voice gets louder and turns to anger. Anger at him, at everyone and at his death. "You do realise I'm stuck here now! Stuck here with people who may drop dead at any moment all because they're in the soap opera that is Elena Gilberts life! God I HATE IT!" I let out a massive scream! "Aaarrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I kick my hands and feet beating the road like a toddler in a tantrum. "How could you die? Why would you do this to me? I need you here. I can't go on. I can't. I REFUSE! Even if its death itself I will be with you again Damon! Your it for me! And don't give me all the BS about being immortal means eternity and many ones! Because its just that BS!" I lay there for a little while longer and make a big decision. It has to be done


	3. English Hospitality

I walk along Wickery bridge I look down into the water where I should of died not just once but twice. I see my reflection in the water. I think back to when Matt and I stood here,and we had a funeral for me. We chucked flowers into the water. Then I think about when I went mad and threw my daylight ring in there and he saved me, by throwing us over out of the sun's way. I like down at my hand to see his ring. His beautiful ring with a beautifully written D. I flirt with idea of having my own private funeral and tossing his ring in there with my death. In some way I couldn't begin to explain, I would find comfort in that. I was supposed to die in that water twice, technically I did. So in some small way, we're together. Could I really do this? "I can't" I scold my self "He will come back, I will find a way. When I do he will need this". I smile at the thin air beside me, where I know he's standing. One lone tear escapes my eye and slowly makes its way down my cheek. I close my eyes. He's there. My love is looking at me with nothing but pure adoration and love. In my head is playing Celine Dion- The power of love. I open my eyes, still looking at that space. I say "I'm your lady and you are my man"

2 weeks later, I'm sitting in the grill. Good hard liquor in my hand. I had been researching witches all over the world. Had my ear to the ground, I even had a meeting with Klaus last week. I figured since he's the oldest dead living thing there is, he must know something. He was his typical self. So I bribed him. I bribed with the one thing I knew would work. Caroline. I told Klaus I'd put in a good word and set up a girls weekend in New Orleans, where we would unexpectedly bump into him. I promised I pretend it was nothing but pure coincidence. So just like I knew he would be he was putty in my hands. He told me about a woman that lives in England, he knew her from the days when he lived there, and she was best of friends with his mother Esther. Her name is Helda, I tried very hard not to concentrate on the cliché of her name. So I here I sit with my drink and his spirit with me. I drink the remainder and pull out a 20 and leave it on the bar. London here I come. I climb in a cab and head for the airport. Passport in my bag, I decide not to take luggage as the others will realise. I can't have them knowing just yet. I'll just compel some. Its that easy. As I head for the airport through town, I look at it closely. Mystic falls. My home. For the first time in my life it wasn't. It looked strange and unfamiliar. Empty. Once we arrived at the airport I throw money at the driver and head straight towards my future. To him. I was a girl on a mission. I throw my phone in the trash and decide to get a new one in London. The child still in me was a tiny bit excited, I always wanted to visit England. Once he's back, I think we may have to travel the whole country. I want to see everything.

God I love compulsion! Here I was sat in first class with some champagne and a rather tasty looking hostess, perfect for snacking later. I lay back in my seat sipped from the crystal flute I start to plan.  
1. Hotel. Preferably The Savoy.  
2. Change of clothes, fit for British rainy weather.  
3. Find Helda. She'll do the spell. Whatever it takes. (Wow I sound like Katherine)  
4. Damon and I are together again. Mission accomplished.  
I decide on some sleep, its going to be a long flight. I switch on my iPod and put my head phones in and listen to John Legend- all of you. I slip off in to my dreams. Dreams of us with tea and scones, happy.

The air hostess wakes me. "Miss sorry to wake you, but were about to land. I need to ask you to put your seatbelt on ducky" I looked at her quizzically "ducky" what the hell was that suppose to mean. I don't look like a duck! "Yeah I got it"  
Wow I can't believe I've slept the whole flight, man I must of been tired. Its the first time I've slept properly since.  
We land and I'm glad to know I'm the first off the plane. Can not stand the ques. Wow I take a second to look around, I'm in London. I wander through Heathrow airport looking for the nearest exit. This place is huge, I'm sure I'm lost. I stand still and listen. I hear cars. Bingo.

I climb into a big black cab to this friendly plump bald man. "Ello Sweet'art where to?" "Umm the savoy please" "wow your American. Savoy it is sweet'art. Bet your feeling the cold" I decide not to delve into small talk, I wasn't feeling overly friendly plus I could not understand a word he was saying. I Hope everyone doesn't talk this way, otherwise I'll never get to Helda. I sit looking out the window, London is beautiful. My mind wanders, FUCK! I don't have british money, I only have dollars. Well looks like this cab driver is a lucky man, he's my first to compel in London. Could maybe do with some compulsion on talking properly, but I decide not to, just a free ride will do. We pull up to the hotel and I look at his name tag it read Jack 'the lad' Purvis. Okay! Jack it is. "Well little lady that'll be 25 quid" " Hey Jack this ride is free, you felt as its my first time in London you thought you'd show me some good all english kindness" "Yes a free ride" " Aw Jack your a darl" "Thank you" I dart out the cab and into the hotel, its raining. No surprise there.

I look around the lobby and I spot a young business man in a suit checking in with a small suitcase. Piece of cake. I have an accent and some flirting skills, I decided to get my Katherine on. I walked over to the blonde man. Under normal circumstances I would find him to be cute. I strut over and say "Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was stood over there and just couldn't take my eyes off you. See its my first time in London and I was told the men here were cute, but I wasn't prepared to see this adonis". Typical male he stood there plastered on a smile and replied "Well hello there" "I was hoping you would do me the pleasure of having drinks with me?" "Oh the pleasure would be all my sweet'art" There's that word again. "Wow your accent is so hot" He turns back to me and replies "Nowhere near as hot as yours baby" Anger crushes over me, covering me. If he calls me baby one more time, I'll rip his head from his neck. I stop the anger from taking over. "Okay the bar in half an hour?" He turned and stalked to the elevator and turned to me and said "Wouldn't miss it for the world" urgh this man was a total Jackass! I smile and wink giving him a little wave. For tonight, I am no longer Elena Gilbert. I'm Katherine Pierce. A grade A bitch and well a slut! I need to find a clothes store, I need a tiny tight dress,high stiletto's and a curling iron. Once I acquire these things and got into character I shall meet Blondie (wow its just occurred to me I don't even know his name! desperate much) have a drink and lure him back to his suite. Once in his suite think I might taste of some this good old British delicacy. Then tomorrow morning Mr hot shot will feel obliged to send me on a shopping spree.


	4. Me, Myself& Katherine

I sit with my bourbon and wait for him. God i wish he would hurry up, i want to get this over and done with. I look around the bar. Couples everywhere. This pisses me off, i feel like a bitter cat loving spinster on valentines day, all i need to complete this thought is a dart board with the male symbol as my bullseye. I turn and see him coming towards me like a lion stalking its prey and the irony almost makes me giggle. He has no idea he's walking into the lionesses den. I put on my sexy smile and wink, here he comes. I channel Katherine i even dressed like her and curled my hair to fully commit to her character.

"Hello gorgeous, looks like you've started with out me. Wanting another drink?" What is it about this man that has got me so pissed. God damn emotions and there being double magnified. I look at my half empty glass. "Nope" I look him square in the eye, gulp the remainder. "I do now though" I give my come hither look. I can sense the frat boy in him, the lets get drunk and fuck. His eyes widen at my look, he looks me up and down, takes me in. Uh that mental picture is going to be in his spank bank. He grins like a cat that got the cream grin and says "what will it be? A white wine spritzer?" His sexism boils my blood to the very core. "Bourbon...Neat" He tries to hide his surprise but does a real shitty job of it. He turns to the barman and says "You heard the woman, and I'll have a Southern comfort and lemonade please" The barman smirks at me. He gets it. "Right away Sir".

4 bourbons later and this man is sooo boring. Oh by the way his name is Jake. God i need to get this over with, i realise I'm not only acting as Katherine, I'm rapidly turning into her. All for me, nobody else. I don't dwell on that at the moment. I just need to get the ball rolling get him to his suite and Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your aunt. I need to get back to my purpose. I suggest "Hey, so fancy taking this upstairs to your suite somewhere a little more private?" His face says it all before he answer's he's a total douche. God at least try to be subtle jeez! "Yes we could do that, maybe have a little champagne and strawberries?" What the fuck is this pretty woman. "Yeah sure we could do that or..." I run my finger down his chest and if he doesn't get the hint from that he literally is dopey. He winks at me "Oh, or we could do that" He pays the tab and we head for the elevator. Here goes. One step closer to him. I'll employ his well know philosophy "Snatch, Eat...Erase"


	5. Sexism & Vampirism

I thank the fucking lord there are people in the elevator with us. I have a weird feeling he would've pounced if not.

I let my mind drift. I think of Mystic Falls. Home. Him. My reverie takes me to the night after i chose him, after our speech to each other in the boarding house after graduation. We decided to take a drive and ended up in Georgia. We laugh about our first road trip here after my car crash. For sentiment we go to Bree's... Even though she's dead and its now called Rosie's. It was still Bree's to me. I really liked her. We stroll in hand in hand and make a beeline for the bar, we decided to get drunk and stay at the motel next door. We were celebrating. We were together. Finally. We shoot back the tequila shots like our lives depended on it, we decided to see who could hold their liquor better. Of course i was biased it was so going to be! After we loose count and the whole bar is cheering us on and totally mesmerized by us we decide to hit the jukebox. We decided on "Outside by Staind". I knew i'd feel something when we decided on the song, but i never anticipated the clarity it brought us. Being Damon he held out his hand. We both love to dance and it just clicked. We came together his hands around my waist (lower than any gentleman) my arms made its way around his neck. He tucked his head in the crook of my neck and put my face into his chest and breathed in his heavenly scent. Damon, aftershave and more Damon. All of a sudden the playfulness disappeared. It was intense, passionate and maybe even a little lustful. The lyrics surrounded us. Enveloped us. We were no longer dancing in Bree's. We were alone. Heat rising between us. I listened to the lyrics and promised myself i would never forget this. Our souls connecting. Our story being sang in a song. We sway and listen.

"You bring me to my knees again

All the times i could beg you please in vain

All the times that i felt insecure for you

And i leave my burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside I'm looking in i can see through you see your true colors 'cause inside your ugly ,ugly like me i can see through you

See the real you"

Our fun night then became serious. Intimate. I knew our feelings were intense but in that moment i realised that not only did i have feel feelings for Damon. Loved Damon. I realised there is no one else . He was and will always be the one. My soulmate. I remember thinking about even though i had an amazing family growing up and i always thought it was because of uncle John being my father that i didn't quite fit. Standing in his arms, the way he's holding me, i realise all along i did fit, and that destiny and fate was waiting to fit my other half of my jigsaw puzzle that is my life.

"Katherine"

"Katherine"

I'm broken from my reverie. I take a second to readjust to reality.

"Katherine are you okay" Jake says with fake concern. I remember myself. I mean Katherine. I smile and say "Yeah I'm fine, just off in my own little world"

The pang of grief, the annoyance of his disruption is to overwhelming. My knee's quiver. Its a good job he has his arm around my waist or i think i would of just fell. Crumbled. He has no idea what this world holds. Part of me has sympathy and another part has jealousy. His arm remains at my waist as he pulls out his key card for his suite. My sudden blood thirst is overwhelming, I'm jonesing for his blood. His jugular is thumping. Wow and alcohol is supposed to be a friend to us vampires. I think to the last time i fed and it was like 8 hours ago. To top it off he cuts himself trying to get the door open. Facade over. My eyes change, my teeth uninvited appear. FUCKKK! Jake looks at me and screams a total high pitch scream. I cover his mouth immediately and use his key card and drag him into his suite. Fuck what if anybody heard i question myself. The only word my mind can come up with is compulsion. He will forget everything. He will be fine. I will be fine.

Once i hear the banging on the door, hear the manager shout "Mr Johnson, is everything ok, are you ok?" another voice starts "Mr Johnson if you don't answer were coming in, we'll count to 4" SHIT ELENA THINK I scream at myself. Its obvious what i need to do. Its the only thing.


	6. Riding in Elevators with Boys

I thank the fucking lord there are people in the elevator with us. I have a weird feeling he would've pounced if not.

I let my mind drift. I think of Mystic Falls. Home. Him. My reverie takes me to the night after i chose him, after our speech to each other in the boarding house after graduation. We decided to take a drive and ended up in Georgia. We laugh about our first road trip here after my car crash. For sentiment we go to Bree's... Even though she's dead and its now called Rosie's. It was still Bree's to me. I really liked her. We stroll in hand in hand and make a beeline for the bar, we decided to get drunk and stay at the motel next door. We were celebrating. We were together. Finally. We shoot back the tequila shots like our lives depended on it, we decided to see who could hold their liquor better. Of course i was biased it was so going to be! After we loose count and the whole bar is cheering us on and totally mesmerized by us we decide to hit the jukebox. We decided on "Outside by Staind". I knew i'd feel something when we decided on the song, but i never anticipated the clarity it brought us. Being Damon he held out his hand. We both love to dance and it just clicked. We came together his hands around my waist (lower than any gentleman) my arms made its way around his neck. He tucked his head in the crook of my neck and put my face into his chest and breathed in his heavenly scent. Damon, aftershave and more Damon. All of a sudden the playfulness disappeared. It was intense, passionate and maybe even a little lustful. The lyrics surrounded us. Enveloped us. We were no longer dancing in Bree's. We were alone. Heat rising between us. I listened to the lyrics and promised myself i would never forget this. Our souls connecting. Our story being sang in a song. We sway and listen.

"You bring me to my knees again

All the times i could beg you please in vain

All the times that i felt insecure for you

And i leave my burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside I'm looking in i can see through you see your true colors 'cause inside your ugly ,ugly like me i can see through you

See the real you"

Our fun night then became serious. Intimate. I knew our feelings were intense but in that moment i realised that not only did i have feel feelings for Damon. Loved Damon. I realised there is no one else . He was and will always be the one. My soulmate. I remember thinking about even though i had an amazing family growing up and i always thought it was because of uncle John being my father that i didn't quite fit. Standing in his arms, the way he's holding me, i realise all along i did fit, and that destiny and fate was waiting to fit my other half of my jigsaw puzzle that is my life.

"Katherine"

"Katherine"

I'm broken from my reverie. I take a second to readjust to reality.

"Katherine are you okay" Jake says with fake concern. I remember myself. I mean Katherine. I smile and say "Yeah I'm fine, just off in my own little world"

The pang of grief, the annoyance of his disruption is to overwhelming. My knee's quiver. Its a good job he has his arm around my waist or i think i would of just fell. Crumbled. He has no idea what this world holds. Part of me has sympathy and another part has jealousy. His arm remains at my waist as he pulls out his key card for his suite. My sudden blood thirst is overwhelming, I'm jonesing for his blood. His jugular is thumping. Wow and alcohol is supposed to be a friend to us vampires. I think to the last time i fed and it was like 8 hours ago. To top it off he cuts himself trying to get the door open. Facade over. My eyes change, my teeth uninvited appear. FUCKKK! Jake looks at me and screams a total high pitch scream. I cover his mouth immediately and use his key card and drag him into his suite. Fuck what if anybody heard i question myself. The only word my mind can come up with is compulsion. He will forget everything. He will be fine. I will be fine.

Once i hear the banging on the door, hear the manager shout "Mr Johnson, is everything ok, are you ok?" another voice starts "Mr Johnson if you don't answer were coming in, we'll count to 4" SHIT ELENA THINK I scream at myself. Its obvious what i need to do. Its the only thing.


End file.
